Islander Rickie Harmon was living in Austria with her husband and child when her marriage dissolved eight years ago.
Abandoned in the foreign country, Harmon, then in her early 20s, was frightened and alone.
She made her way to the Pacific Northwest, found a job with the city of Seattle and ultimately built a stable life – but memories of those early years of single-parenthood are still vivid.
“It’s been a lot of struggle,” Harmon said. “I had no family here, and few friends. It’s been a long haul. Now, I want to support other single parents.”
With Boys and Girls Club Director Mark Gurtler, himself a widower, Harmon has started a Bainbridge chapter of Parents Without Partners to help others “flying solo.”
Harmon moved to Bainbridge two and a half years ago to open a health spa. The project didn’t pan out, but a leadership course pointed her toward creating programs
“Through (the course), we really tapped into what we care about, what makes us feel alive,” she said. “I wanted to create something of value that adds health and wellness to the community.
“My project was going to be ‘Parents Flying Solo,’ some sort of sharing and chat groups. It morphed and morphed from there; when I found out about Parents Without Partners, it was a natural fit. We didn’t have to reinvent the wheel.”
When Harmon and Gurtler took a head count of single parents on Bainbridge they knew, more than 40 names came to mind. Like PWP, founded by two new York City single parents in 1957, they included not only divorced, but separated, widowed and never-married parents. Non-custodial parents received recognition, as well.
While the pair found that single dads were often distinguished by a higher income level and more property than single moms, social isolation was the common denominator.
“When we’re talking to single parents, everyone feels alone,” Harmon said. “It’s a paradox, because it’s a huge population.”
Single parents aren’t identifiable on Bainbridge because, they speculate, they try to blend with the traditional two-parent families.
“The whole culture here is family-oriented,” Harmon said. “We try to find ways to fit in.”
What PWP offers is a network of support for all parents in transition. Members will be in various stages of coming to terms with single parenthood, with “older” singles mentoring newer members.
A constant flow of new members is what the group needs, both Harmon and Gurtler say, in order to be a vital organization.
While PWP offers opportunities for adults to mingle socially, the group is not a dating service, both Gurtler and Harmon emphasize.
PWP features family-oriented activities and educational opportunities that will include speakers and workshops, addressing such tough issues as parents’ financial and legal problems. It will also sponsor discussion groups and opportunities to do community service.
“We must have balanced programming,” Gurtler said, “and we must report that to the international office.”
The Bainbridge branch of PWP will be chartered by the parent organization, now based in Florida, when membership – currently at about a dozen singles – reaches 20 and a board of directors has been established.
Meanwhile, the group has already met several times and elected officers.
Like all PWP leaders, Harmon and Gurtler work on a volunteer basis.
“We are parents who have ‘been there and done that,’” Harmon said. “We can step up and help the single parents who need support and guidance.”
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Upcoming Parents Without Partners events at the Bainbridge Island Boys and Girls Club:
l PWP joins Bainbridge Island School District staff 7-8 p.m. Oct. 21 to discuss making school resources and support more accessible for single-parent families.
l Investment strategies are presented by Lori Morgan of Edward Jones Investment 7-8:30 p.m. Oct. 22.
All single parents are welcome. Information: 780-7805 or 842-0457; email ricac42@msn.com or mgurlter@postiveplace.org.
