When Bainbridge Island resident Rosalys Peel’s late husband Mike was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2002, she was filled with fear about what would happen to him, how it would affect their relationship and how much time they would have together.

“I just had all this fear, pure disbelief at first,” she said. “I was just afraid of all the things you hear in movies and you’d read about. I was afraid he’d hurt me, he’d run away, he’d get lost. The worst was when he wouldn’t know me.”

Mike ended up living with Alzheimer’s for nine years, passing away in 2011 at the age of 67. The difficult and challenging times throughout those years led Peel to publish her thoughts, feelings and advice through an Alzheimer’s guide released in 2018 called Mike & Me: An Inspiring Guide for Couples Who Choose to Face Alzheimer’s Together at Home.

“I wanted something that told me what happens when and what it’s like to be a caregiver,” Peel said. “I was journaling and then I started journaling more, being more specific. The doctor told me, ‘You should write about this when you’re done with this.’ My journal notes were actually telling me, ‘Oh this is what worked.’ Every chapter is just a story, and I implant journal notes so it gives people a feel for what happened when. It’s designed to be a guide.”

Peel and Mike were married for 45 years. She said he had a “significant career” as a federal agent for Customs and was in charge of internal affairs. Mike was from Montana while Peels is from Nevada. Peel is a registered nurse and graduate of the University of Washington, certificated by Lamaze International and the Relationship Research Institute. She has been a “respected voice” in the childbirth education movement for over 40 years and recently retired from teaching parent education classes at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle for over 30 years, according to her biography.

The diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is typically slow and gradual. In this case, it took Mike four years to be diagnosed after experiencing symptoms. They initially thought it was sleep apnea or a hearing problem. Adding to their fear and confusion, one neurologist told them it wasn’t Alzheimer’s while another said it was. Mike eventually confirmed his diagnosis at UW.

“We just sort of started noticing some things were going amiss and little by little figured out the diagnosis,” she said. “A lot of it was he just wouldn’t follow through. We’d agree to meet somewhere even as simple as meeting in front of T&C at a certain time, and he wasn’t there. He was going to do something, and it wasn’t done. When I’d mention it to him he’d say he didn’t know I told him that. I’d say it was the basic forgetfulness.

“Eventually, it became speech,” Peel continued. “He was substituting words. He would leave a noun out. He’d start talking but I didn’t know what the subject was. He physically was walking well, very social, very friendly.”

One of the most difficult things is the initial acceptance and how life is going to change, for the person with the disease and the partner who provides support. Peel said that can take time.

“We kind of talked a little bit at the time, and he kind of went silent on the subject,” she said. “He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to tell friends. I’d say we were in that state for at least three or four months. Once we had that conversation, we came together and were able to do much better with the whole thing.”

As Peel was searching for effective ways to help Mike cope with his illness, she happened to be working with well-known couple relationship researcher John Gottman at Swedish Hospital.

“It was pretty phenomenal – as Mike was being diagnosed, I was recreating a couples relationship class with two other instructors and John Gottman,” Peel said. “I really attribute our relationship staying on track because of that.

“I would say we had a good relationship, and I was concerned it would change with the illness,” she continued. “I would say we really stayed close, and I can honestly say we were very much in love at the end of the disease. That’s one of the reasons why I wrote the book.”

After taking some time to grieve the loss of her husband, three years after Mike’s death she went to Montana to write the book but said, “She didn’t have a clue.”

On her way back home, she stopped at a roadside stop in Coeur de ‘lane, ID, and ended up meeting a book mentor from Kingston. After a brief conversation about their Kitsap County connection, the man (Dan Zadra) ended up agreeing to be Peel’s book mentor. Three years later, the book was published. Zadra’s name is mentioned on the cover of the book, and she “really credits him for helping me with figuring out how to organize the material.”

Since the book’s release, Peel said she has received an abundance of positive feedback about how it has helped families and couples in similar situations. She hopes the book provides a glimpse of positivity for caregivers.

“I hope people read the book, and they feel like they can do this,” Peel said. “They can manage this disease. You can still travel, you can still interact…for many years after the diagnosis. Your relationship can be strong, and you can still love your partner. Mike still was Mike at the end of his illness.”

Ten years after Mike’s death, Peel, now 77, said she’s feeling better than she has in a while, proving that one can rebound from a tragic situation and find happiness again.

“My laughter is back,” Peel said. “I even have a new male friend in my life, which is incredible. Somebody I have dinner with a couple times a week. That was so off my radar, never imagined that would have happened. There is life after you go through one of these difficult times.”

Peel said small progress is being made in terms of medication and blood tests but challenges still remain in getting diagnosed with Alzheimer’s early.

“We still don’t have medication,” she said. “It still takes a long time to get diagnosed. We’ve got medications that are getting close but they’re not there. I still think the same challenges are there.”

“One of the real exciting things today is they’re getting closer to a blood test,” Peel continued. “That would be incredible. You just go in for your physical. They check cholesterol, and they also can check for Alzheimer’s and see if there’s any amyloid building up. And then at that point, you can get an early diagnosis. They think they’re just a couple of years away from that.”