(Editor’s note: This is the third in a series of articles focusing on anxiety. Next, the focus will be on building relationships.)

Helping a loved one or friend cope with anxiety can be just as stressful as the anxiety they are experiencing. You want to help but you’re not sure how. You want to support, but sometimes your own anxiety gets in the way.

Often, our first instinct might be to “fix” the situation. Sometimes we want to go into protection mode. Other times we might be too preoccupied to notice what’s going on.

Instead, you can offer support by listening to what your loved one is sharing without judgement, while giving yourself permission to let go of the responsibility to fix things. Listening well and being present in the moment will help turn down the fight, flight or freeze response.

Understanding anxiety is another way to help. It’s also important to empathize with the person experiencing anxiety. This normalizes what they are going through and helps them understand that they aren’t alone. Ask them what they need, both during an anxious period and later when they are calm. Checking in when they are calm gives them an opportunity outside of fight or flight to advocate for what would help them most. Try to be understanding if you are not part of the solution, and encourage them to seek the care they identify as best for them.

All teens experience anxiety — a normal reaction to stress — at some point, whether it’s being nervous about a final exam, a big tournament, going out on a date or any number of situations.

For some teens, anxiety can negatively affect friendships and family relationships, participation in extracurricular activities, and even their schoolwork. When feelings of anxiety interfere with normal daily living, the presence of an anxiety disorder should be considered. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 25 percent of 13- to 18-year-olds have an anxiety disorder, and just under 6 percent have a severe anxiety disorder.

At a recent Bainbridge Youth Services panel discussion on anxiety, our audience shared some of the ways they help others who are experiencing anxiety.

“I would tell a friend the same things I tell myself: What’s the worst that can happen?” offered one teen. “I would offer encouragement and support and help them get through it. It will make me feel more confident too. If I can help others, I can help myself.”

Here are a few of their other tips:

• Don’t try to be a fixer.

• Honor what the other person is experiencing.

• Ask them what they need.

• Practice deep breathing.

• Encourage discussion of feelings.

• Write about your worries in a journal.

• Be present, open to listening without “solving.”

• Share your own vulnerability.

• Direct the person to wider resources.

• Sit with them.

• Let them know they are not alone.

• Stay calm.

These are all wonderful ways to help someone cope with anxiety. But remember to take care of your own needs. Parenting an anxious child can be exhausting. Finding time for a friend in need is sometimes difficult. But if we all slow down and focus on our own wellbeing, we will be in a better position to help others.

Diane Sabo is a counselor with Bainbridge Youth Services.