We were set to declare a moratorium on all quips, puns and other low humor related to the Waterfront Park restroom.

No more newspaper headlines like “Toilet plans are flushed” or “City vows to tidy up toidy.” No more jabs at “the privy council.” And if someone were to run for public office on a platform of completing the never-ending restroom project, we would foreswear reporting that they’re “running for an open seat.” Even if they are.

After so many years – what has it been now, six? seven? – of covering our public officials’ chronic inability to put civilized facilities in Winlsow’s most popular park, our capacity for cleverness seemed spent. And yet the saga drags on, the latest turn being unpalatably high bids for construction of the restroom/shower facility/public art venue/trickling water feature/shoreline viewing platform/earthen bomb shelter. The bids prompted some council members to declare the project bloated beyond reason, while city engineers counter that the design reflects the council’s expressed wishes. Moreover, they say, the oft-cited budget of around $300,000 derived from an earlier design, back when it looked like a simple, prefabricated restroom building would suffice.

So it seemed like a good time to reintroduce some dignity to the proceedings, to opine solemnly on the need to consider the project within the larger context of downtown revitalizations and municipal financing, to lament the failure of communication between council and staff…and then Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Kevin Dwyer showed up with a new brochure entitled, “Bathrooms of Bainbridge: Where To Go When You Have To Go.” Now available around town, the tri-fold pamphlet includes directions to 17 restrooms located in public and private (mostly retail) facilities in the Winslow Way and High School Road shopping districts. With each entry comes a brief review of the facilities for those with small children or who must themselves heed nature’s untimely call. Among the destinations are Winslow Mall (described in the literature as “newly renovated…nicely outfitted in tile”); the ferry terminal (“plain and simple”); the Bainbridge Commons (“available, but subject to plumbing problems at times”); and the Pavilion (“lots of stalls and changing stations…facilities are top-notch”). The Chevron gas station earns “the highest accolades” for accessibility, while the Ace Hardware loo is described as “a proud place, papered in blue”; you can find it in the home furnishing section, toward the back. Even the island’s two supermarkets offer relief, although their facilities are said to be a study in contrasts. (One: “roomy and utterly clean, with a touch of class – flowers.” The other: “a bare minimum stop.”) And on the brochure’s cover, there are – yes – the humble Waterfront Park porta-potties, billed as “definitely for emergencies only!”

If there’s a flaw to be found in the brochure, which the Chamber co-authored with the good folks at the Bainbridge Island Senior Community Center, it’s with prognostication. “The good news – Waterfront Park facilities will be available soon, possibly spring 2007,” says the brochure. Charmingly optimistic, but wrong. The city engineer reports that even with a favorable bid – and concurrence with the City Council as to what exactly should be built – the park won’t see better facilities until after summer, probably at the end of this year.

Well, poo.

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Correction

• Due to an editing error, the amount raised by the recent production of “The Vagina Monologues” was misstated in a March 21 letter. The production raised more than $20,000 for local women’s programs.

• Ellin Spenser’s title was misstated in a Saturday feature on the BPA’s chamber music series. Spenser is vice president of the Camp Siberia board.